those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
