I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
soo... how was my night?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
