Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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