The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
