I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
