At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
