if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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