Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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