just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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