we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
