I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
