The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
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