I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
