This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
