i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
