Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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