Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
