My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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