he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
