What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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