im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
