The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
