I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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