My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
