I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
