Apparently you make a good broom.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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