You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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