question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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