My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
