You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
