omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
