Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
