8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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