We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
