my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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