We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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