If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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