I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
