I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
