i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize