Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
