There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
