you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
