hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
