she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
