I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
