in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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