I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
