i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize