I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
