I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
