I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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