i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
