I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
