i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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