sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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