Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
