i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
