nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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