And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
