Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Randomize
