I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
