I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
