I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
