The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
