Screwed.edu
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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