Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
