I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
