i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
