hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
