Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
