Rock
Scissors
Fuck
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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